The Pig Ponders : You can move on.

I realised something today. I know it's something that's quite obvious to a lot of people but here it is : Just because you've been hurt does not mean that you cannot move forward. 

If you're feeling stuck and your days seem to just flow into one another, you can & should find the source of this feeling. The best way to do it is to write in a journal*.But don't leave it at that. You should find ways to move past that hurt & do whatever it takes to move on. Sometimes you may have to forgive others but sometimes you also have to forgive yourself.Otherwise the hurt will just become another excuse for not doing things. I believe that you can do better than that.Some wounds don't heal easily but if you keep going back to them you're making them worse. 

There is beauty beyond the pain. There is strength in moving on. The best cannot come to you if you hold on to the past that doesn't serve you anymore. It is always scary to be in a new place but it's always worth it. So go for it! 

*If privacy is an issue you can always download a journal. They usually provide password protection (like vijournal) or use an online journal.

The Pig Ponders - No more pity parties!

All my life I have felt like I was missing something. As I child I always believed I was capable of being more, of being great. But I always felt like something was missing in me. I had talent, but I wasn't talented enough... I had drive but I wasn't motivated enough to finish things. I always thought that maybe, just maybe if I had the right upbringing, if I was in the right country & if I had better support I could be something more.

But I was ridiculed for my choices. I was put in the corner because I was different. I've had my share of unsupportive parents, bad romantic relationships, no friends and no emotional support when I faced sexual harassment at the hands of a stranger. I spent a better part of my growing years feeling hurt, lost and angry. But one day I decided to find a place where I belong and leave all of this behind. 

After graduation, I went abroad for further studies. I had finally found my home! "This is it!", I thought, "My new beginning." But a year later I found myself in a position where I had no option but to return. I was crushed. I was going to have to face everything I've ever hated about myself and the world all over again. "Time to crawl back into the dark hole" I mused. I felt like I was dying. A short period of self starvation was quickly followed by months of binge eating and crying. A good friend tried to console me by saying," Just like in a good video game, the protagonist has to go back to the beginning of the story and face his enemy - you've gotta go back to where you started.You have to win the final boss fight on the enemy's turf." 

I can't do this anymore. I am unhappy. Dissatisfied. Disillusioned. Emotionally exhausted. Stuck. Angry and numb. I still hate talking about what happened. It hurts and I feel ashamed that I let myself down. I wish I was some place else. I wish I was in Hollywood trailblazing through meetings, pitching my tv show & attending the Emmys. But I'm not. Sometimes it all just feels like a silly American Dream of a naive little girl. 

But you know what? This is MY DREAM. Whatever it is, however improbable, grand and naive it may be, I will make it happen. In 6 years time I will be living and working in Los Angeles, California. My show will find it's way to prime time tv. I will take it there.

Today I'm making a commitment to myself - NO MORE PITY PARTIES. The tea's gotten cold and the guests are long gone.

I'm going to be 'that-girl-who made-it-in spite of-all-that-was-missing-in-her-life'. I will be that person who made it without the support of her family & peers, but pushed through with the support and love of her very small circle of friends and of course her work. 


Actually to come to think of it, I think I'm already like her. I AM her...Wow.